The Rules According To A Toddler

Today I sent out a pondering tweet “Toddlers seem to have their own rules for living don’t they?”

I instantly got a bunch of emphatic replies mostly shouting “Yes!!”

After careful observation of just the one toddler (mine), I think I know what the rules are.

 

1. A Toddler must run everywhere. Walking is forbidden.
2. Standing still for longer than 3 seconds is also forbidden. Run, run. Always run.
3. Holding hands is no fun. Express your contempt if this is requested. Strongly.
4. Eating any food detracts from playing time. Don’t do it.
5. Eating food from the floor is ok though. And is tastier.
6. Stamping on food and then eating makes it even better.
7. Do not let parents clothe you. They are stifling naked freedom. Protest loudly.
8. Do not let parents put clothes on either. Protest loudly.
9. The same applies to all nappy changes. Run like hell.
10. Provide hugs and lots of kisses. Only occasionally on demand if they’ve been good.
11. Say very cute things. It melts adults very quickly and keeps them distracted.
12. Never perform on demand for other people. Watch adults then laugh nervously and declare “they do it at home all the time!”.
13. No fear! Climb everything and try to jump off everything. Fear is for adults.
14. Swoon when protesting. Thrash around too. It makes you wriggly and give the adults a bit of a challenge.
15. Demand everyone joins in a song. Protest if they don’t.
16. Keep waking up the night before the Adult needs to do something important. It ensures they won’t oversleep.
17. Dance to everything in a very cute way.
18. Wave and say hello and bye bye to anyone you pass in the street. Even to the miserable buggers.
19. Demand to hold anything that looks remotely expensive. Protest loudly if you hear the word “No”.
20. The best place to sleep is in between the two Adults. Kick them often in the night to remind them you are there.
21. The iPad is yours. Demand it as soon as the Adult picks it up.
22. Say the word “Noooo!” one regular basis. About 10 times an hour.
23. Talk one day and don’t bother the next. Pointing and shouting is sufficient.
24. Say “Ove you” every so often. See number 11.

 

 

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Dearest 22 Month Old

Hello!!

22 months old! That’s 2 months off being 2 YEARS OLD. Wow. This whole year has completely flown by hasn’t it? Its almost party time again. Although I’m not sure whether to have two big parties again. I’d rather just run away on a big holiday. Just the 3 of us. That would be lovely wouldn’t it? Cake is nice too though.

Hmmm we shall see!

So what have you been doing this month?

It feels like someone’s flicked a switch on your speech for a start. For ages you haven’t been too fussed with talking very much and, if you could get away with it, you’d point to whatever you wanted and shout “Aah!”. I knew you could talk because you’d treat us to it every so often so I wasn’t too worried. All of a sudden you’ve gone from pointing and using single words to just nattering all day long. I don’t understand a lot of your made up words still, but you gesture with enthusiasm and do a big belly laugh once you’ve finished. Then repeat the whole thing all over again. Just yesterday you told me how Grandad sneezes, how your cousin A was crying and how the humidifier was naughty (although you cant say humidifier just yet!). This can go on till we put you to bed! The cutest is when we ask you to do something and you shout “Okaaaai!”. Neither of us are sure where you’re getting your accent from!

Your new party trick is to count to 10 but not on demand. Never on demand. Your Daddy learnt this the hard way when he asked you to perform one day when friends came around. You could see the polite yet evident boredom on our friends faces whilst Daddy attempted to get you to say them for the 6th time. I’m sure you know more than you let on!

I’ve seen you becoming more confident this month too. I’ve always known you’re naturally very kind. You like to share everything you’re eating, even if we don’t want it, and will make sure to watch us whilst we chew and swallow. Those cheesy crisps you love are really gross by the way! But I’ve always been secretly worried that your kind nature and shyness around new toddlers means you might get picked on in the school yard. So I was really relieved to see you standing up for yourself at baby group. Obviously not in a toddler street fight kind of way but you didn’t run off instantly scared of someone which is promising! We just need to keep working on that. And I think I need to stop myself from instantly coming to you. Umm, I’ll work on it.

My God, Little Z, the tantrums!! This month it’s like a tantrum an hour. Sometime maybe two. Including a gut wrenching “Noooo!” thats worthy of war time movies. You don’t like taking your clothes off OR putting them back on. There are now constant shouts of “Nooooo Doooont! Paaaaants! Miiiine!”. Our neighbours must think we’re all bonkers. I usually ignore the tantrums and my attempts at toddler discipline are getting slightly better but I never in a million years realised just how clever toddlers can be.

I remember this time last year actually dreading your first birthday. It felt as if I was losing my baby and I didn’t want that phase to ever finish. But you know what? The toddler phase is SO much fun. I have no idea where you get your personality from but it’s a very lovely one. I just need to have a good think about your party. Cake, at least, would be nice wouldn’t it?

So, until next time baby…Mmwah!

Dearest 20 Month Old

Hello My Little Man,

I actually had to count how old you were before writing this post because I’m still very much in denial and telling everyone you are “One and a Half”. Can you believe you’ll be 2 years old in 4 months time?!

It’s been a completely mad month for us all. Both your Daddy and I have been fasting all month and then it was eid. I have to admit I was worried how I’d cope now that you run like the wind and play all day (on top of work) but it wasn’t too bad! You’ve loved trying new foods and we’ve discovered you actually like spicy things like kebabs and Bombay mix!

You’re now counting to 10 and your favourite numbers are “WEWEN!” (7) and “TEN!!” and over the last couple of weeks you’ve turned into a little parrot repeating everything, even stuff you’re not meant to. Umm.. Like “Oh Gok!” (Oh God).

This month you’ve also discovered your love of slides. But you’d rather climb up them till you’re almost at the top. Then you fling yourself back down on your belly and come sliding down. Like a cross between a toddler stunt man and James Bond. I, on the other hand, have honed my panicked shrieks of “Noooo!” quite well. When it’s not the slide you’re climbing it’s the sofa, the radiator or the baby gate. You did try to climb up the living room door once but settled for hanging off the door handles. Its kind of broken now. I’m convinced that one day we’ll find you scaling the house or trying to shimmy up the drain pipe just so you have something to climb!

You still absolutely love running and you do it with utter commitment. Like a true athlete you concentrate on your run and only your run. No looking right or left. In your case you don’t even look forward. The other day in Trafford centre was interesting when you kept running straight into people’s legs. That didn’t put you off though. Till you wanted a bit of a break of course and wanted Daddy to carry you.

One of the funniest things you’ve learnt this month is how to “freeze” during the “Show Me Show Me your groovy moves” dance. You wiggle your bum and then suddenly freeze at the right time with your hands by your face and mouth wide open. Then you clap with delight once it’s over. I may be guilty of rewinding it multiple times just to watch you keep doing it.

And we finally went to see In the Night Garden!! It was absolutely brilliant. You joined in with every dance and clapped at everything. You even managed to sit still through at least half of it which was really impressive. You were in complete awe when we met Iggle Piggle afterwards and, whilst you wouldn’t hug him, you kept wanting to touch him and play with him. I was in complete awe too and it was almost like meeting Tom Cruise all those many years ago. Almost.

Until next time baby… Mmmmwaaah!

Dearest 19 Month Old

Hello Baby!

So 19 months already?? You’re going to be my one and a half year old to anyone that asks though. It just sounds like a nice age doesn’t it? And it rolls off the tongue. Kind of.

It’s been a funny few weeks really with a lot of upheaval and changes so that’s why you’ve been getting some extra tight hugs. You seem to becoming a very smart toddler and given some tight lovely hugs back. I do love coming home from work to you! It’s very true what they say, toddlers get more fun as they get older.

So what have you been doing this month? Well, one of your newest things is trying to take your coat off yourself. You soon around trying to shake it off and manage it after about 6 or 7 rotations; kind of like a toddler superman going at very slow speed!

You’ve also developed your sense of humour. You absolutely love laughing and playing little tricks on us. Most of them involve us chasing you in some form or other but it’s so lovely to hear you squeal with excitement. And then when steal our place on the sofa and shout “mine!!!” we have to come and tell you off in a pretend fashion. It’s our regular game now played about 5 times a day.

You still don’t say that much but i think you’re getting there. You just tend make it up if you don’t know the word for it. I know it’s frustrates you because you’ll gesture wildly sometimes and pull my hand to wherever you want to go or to whatever you want. Having said that, this week you’ve learnt “ipak” for iPad which is now yours and only yours. I think that poor talking cat is going to run away from that app soon!

You are, at last, becoming friendly with other toddlers your age, hurrah!!! You won’t quite throw your arms around one yet but you will at least say “ULLO!” (sometimes) and play near them. I’m hoping this means the start of the end of separation anxiety. You also look a lot less scared of your 3 year old cousin. More hurrah!!

There’s going to be changes to our playgroup. Some mums have apparently been making excellent use of the child size kitchen and having a good natter instead of paying attention to their own children (or letting the children actually play in the kitchen). We’re just waiting to find out what those changes are going to be… So you might actually get to play in there soon!

Do you know it’s just a month to In The Night Garden Live? I know! HOW exciting!!

So, until next time baby…. Mmmwah!!

Things I’ve Learnt about One and a Half Year Olds

Things I’ve Learnt about One and a Half Year Olds

Baby Z seems to be developing at a rate of the speed of light. Its sometimes little things that you would miss if you didn’t look closely but then you realise things like he’s developed a sense of humour! Toddlers have a sense of humour! Did you know that? Their own unique one as well. Half mimicking what they see mixed with their own cheeky little charm. Did you know that?? I didn’t!

Then there’s the other end of the spectrum. Did you know they can quite easily have about 5 tantrums in the space of an hour? I actually vaguely heard about this but never realised you sometimes actually have to hold on tight whilst they are flinging themselves about like mini body surfers at some rock concert. I feel like we’ve officially walked through the door into Toddlerdom.

These are just some of the things I’ve learnt about Toddlers over the last few months:

1. They have the energy of about 10 Tiggers. As well as the happiness
2. They will immediately repeat something you say and possibly fake laugh too just to copy you
3. If they can’t they’ll quite happily make it up and babble, wanting your full attention
4. They will refuse all types of food and seemingly survive off about 3 strawberries and a handful of sweetcorn
5. A part of you reasons that they will eat when they are hungry. Another part of you (about 90%) will worry and have you chasing them with different snacks all day.
6. Every day you will say to your OH “He looks different today doesn’t he?”
7. They will demand things at the most inappropriate times threatening epic tantrum if you don’t give it. Like milk in the car whilst you’re driving.
8. They will drink about half (after you’ve handed it safely to him) and then bathe themselves in the rest. And there’s nothing you can do about it.
9. They will entertain with singing and talking for the entire journey, even at 7am
10. They will possibly demand you join in Twinkle Twinkle and do the flashing hands.
11. They have the ability to wrap Granny and Grandad around their little finger
12. Actually, they are the boss of everyone. The entire family is wrapped around that little finger.
13. They will make Granny push them around on a desk chair and scream “Weeeeee” excitedly
14. Granny will gladly do it for hours on end.
15. They will go for weeks without seemingly any further speech development.
16. Then they’ll amaze you one day by saying about 10 different words in succession
17. You will try to get them to “perform” this latest trick when at someone else’s house
18. This will be met by silent stare.
19. They can have the most spectacular looking tantrums like the world has ended. Then 10 seconds later they are fine again.
20. This can happen multiple times in one day.
21. They will attempt to climb the radiator and be happy just hanging off it if they can’t manage it
22. They have their OWN sense of humour.
23. They think its fun to jump off EVERYTHING.
24. They will figure how to spill from that super duper non spill cup with “lip detection technology”.
25. They love the word “MINE!” Used regularly when holding your phone, ipad, playstation controller, TV remote and handbag.
26. You are required to then chase toddler around the room whilst they scream excitedly at their game.
27. They have a knack for hiding the remote very well but won’t be able to locate it again which can be annoying
28. They can do the same with their dummy but a baby 6^th sense will track it down within minutes
29. They can run for hours if you let them
30. That still won’t make them nap on time
31. Not all toddlers sleep through, even at 18 months!!
32. They will constantly make you wonder where their amazing little personality is coming from
33. Some days you will think “Wow, he looks / behaves just like me”
34. Some days you will think “Wow, he looks / behaves just like his daddy”
35. Gazing at your sleeping child, even after 18 months, never gets boring