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Michael Jackson at the Wedding

I’ve been somewhat slack at blogging over the last week. The sun has taken a wrong turn somewhere in the world and ended up shining gloriously over the UK. Presumably being male, it hasn’t stopped to ask for directions. Whilst its stuck here, and before it finally gives in to Mrs. Suns nagging to ask for directions out of here, I have been shoving Baby Z outside constantly to soak up some Vitamin D. Complete with sun block of course. He’s been going positively mental with happiness running around. Although he doesn’t like the touch of grass on his hands. Once he tumbles onto it he can take a good few minutes to stand back up again as he outright refuses to use his hands to aid him. Imagine a baby mime artist trying to get up whilst pushing against imaginary glass. That’s him!

Anyhoo. What I meant to say was, before the sun came out I was going to blog about my cousins wedding. Last month I was at a cousins wedding and I learnt how to go to a wedding with a toddler. Most of my dresses still have the scars to show for it. Last week it was a close family wedding and this time I was going to be prepared. Oh yes I was. I was determined to yummy mummy my self through an entire week of weddingness.

It sort of worked. I emerged after a week of partying with only one destroyed dress, my nerves only slightly frayed and a Baby Z who, lucky for me, wanted his Daddy to carry him around for most of the week. Hooooray!

Which meant that, this time, I actually remember bits from the actual wedding itself. Like every wedding, there was the good, the bad and the jaw dropping just bizarre. Like…

The bit where you see your cousin for the first time as a bride and want to burst into tears. Partly because you can now turn on the waterworks at the click of your fingers at anything. And partly because you can’t believe the girl that feels like your baby sister is getting married.

The bit where the groom gets muddled during the civil ceremony about whether there’s one ring or two, declaring there’s definitely only one. Cue, the ring bearer freezing mid standing up and holding the extra ring up nervously. Everything then clicking into place and the ceremony proceeding as normal. Us, desperately wanting to shout “Surpriiiise!” from the back. I don’t blame him being muddled. She looked stunning!

Baby Z entertaining himself with the switch of a lamp during the entire ceremony. Thankfully everyone ignored what looked like weird morse code from one corner of the room.

The mystery man who did an entire rendition of Michael Jackson’s Bad during one of the dance parties. Complete with “jeans grabbing”, spinning, pointing; you get the drift. No-one seemed to know who he was but it was evident neither the bride nor the grooms side knew him. Some people just watched slightly stunned. Others wondered whether they should tap him on the shoulder mid dance and ask who the hell he was. Someone suggested maybe he was just a mystery dancer that went from party to party to do his moves.

Finding out at the end he was a plus one. He was greeted with whoops on every day after this. I think he was quite pleased.

Wanting to deck the bossy woman that was trying to usher my cousin out at lightning speed at the end of the wedding because the venue needed clearing by a certain time. It meant she didn’t get to say her goodbyes to a lot of people. (Obviously I would never deck her in real life. I did do a good job in my head though). As fate would have it, my cousin decided to go down to the ground floor in the lift seeing as her dress probably weighed as much as her. We all got to say our byes to her properly before realising the lift was actually broken. In your face bossy woman!

Spending the entire wedding periodically saying “ahh they’re so young. Are we old?” Then getting excited when the tea and biscuits started getting rolled out.

Promising the frazzled looking OH that he could do whatever he wanted the following weekend as he tried to stop Baby Z from escaping for the zillionth time.

Hovering around the sweetie table like a child, eating one too many and then repeating “I feel a bit sick”, a lot. Spotting astrobelts and going back for more.

Realising we actually are getting older and can’t handle consecutive late nights anymore.

Hoping the next family wedding won’t be for at least 6 months.

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Mum and Dad Blog Awards 2012

Party Animals

As Baby Z and I have almost recovered from one wedding extravaganza we will shortly be rolling straight into another. This time it’s the turn of my cousin. So “proper” family.

This time a weeks worth of baking, partying, eating too much indian food and, inevitably, trying to keep from looking like a partying zombie by the last day. Baby Z is already looking around curiously at all the prep work going on and being distracted by the nice shiny colours of things like favour boxes and gold napkins that have been stored at Grandmas house for safekeeping.

You’d think after the wedding a couple of weeks ago we’d already be prepared; both mentally and physically. The state of affairs, though, is currently something like this…

I still need outfits for all the days. With this being a “themed” wedding, each of the days has a different colour. This does look amazing on the day but, my god, it’s hard work looking for the right colours.

The hubby is coming for all the days. Hurrah hurrah! He is being reminded of his parental duties for the wedding week on a daily basis.

Baby Z is currently in between clothes sizes. Oh, deep joy. Everything either looks slightly short or too big.

Apparently, shoe places don’t tend to sell black shoes for babies because “there is not the demand for it”. Whaaa? Are you mental shoe people?? I am half thinking of opening a shop that seeks nothing but black shoes for tiddlywinks and become millionaire from doing so.

I need to re-commence exercising on a daily basis if I don’t want to spend the entire wedding week breathing in. That can get slightly tiring.

Attempting to organise one hen do, one pre-wedding family meal and one pre-wedding friends meal. Over the 3 remaining weekends that are left before the wedding week. Hmmm

And funding it all? Well, there are several ways I am pondering. Persuading the hubby to “invest” in his lovely wife looking utterly glamorous for the wedding week, flogging Baby Zs toy shop (well he hardly plays with them anyway!) or, failing that, considering cash for gold.

I foresee June to be a slightly skint month!

(This is a sponsored post).

How To Go To A Wedding with a 1 Year Old

As I sit on the sofa knackered from my cousins 4 day wedding week I have been reminiscing about how Baby Z has had a complete ball over the last few days and how I have coped (solo, might I had) looking after him. Here is my guide on how to go to a wedding with a 1 year old.

1. Pack absolutely everything you have ever purchased for toddler. This includes travel cot, portable feeding chair, approximately 250 different types of snacks and about 7 different outfits. Just in case.

2. Carry around a massive changing bag to all the different parties and periodically rub your shoulder to soothe changing bag chafing.

3. Create the “Baby Zone” by placing all sorts of baby nik naks on your table including spare jumper, various snacks, beaker and various toys.

4. Watch toddler toss each item under the table out of reach and make mental note to retrieve it all at some point.

5. Spend some time later on hands and knees under the table trying to look for everything.

6. Try to stop toddler from giving himself a piercing by constantly taking the fork and other bits of cutlery away from him.

7. Try to stop the toddler smashing the plates by moving everything to the centre of the table.

8. Growl at the manager of the venue when he tells you there aren’t any any high chairs available.

9. Spend time chasing excited toddler around the massive venue.

10. Try to unsuccessfully stop toddler running into the “Do Not Enter” catering area.

11. Spend time trying to retrieve toddler from under one of the food counters. Use lettuce and bits of salad to try to coax him out.

12. Spend time gripping excited toddler under one arm so that child looks like he is in a superman pose and try to sit him down in your lap.

13. Watch cousins giggling at Baby Z trying to squirm from grip. Shout “Just you wait, it’ll be your turn one day!”.

14. Give up trying to keep toddler in one place and delegate babysitting over to grandad. Try to wolf down dinner in record time. Realise you missed the starter.

15. Eventually feel sorry for grandad chasing around the endless bundle of energy and take over baby watching.

16. Try to entertain toddler with array of toys. Watch toys get chucked around. Give toddler expensive camera in attempt to keep him quiet.

17. Greet bride and groom who comment on beautiful toddler. Try to stop toddler from trying to grab hold of shiny tie / brides earrings / bride herself.

18. Breathe a sigh of relief as toddler starts dropping off in your lap. Then realise he’s got a second burst of energy.

19. Ask if it’s time to go home yet.

20. Eventually almost whoop with joy when you realise the wedding party is over. Almost run to car.

21. Look open mouthed as you place toddler in car and watch him fall asleep and start snoring instantly. Wish you could do the same.

22. Make a mental note never ever to go to another wedding again without OH. Ever.

23. In pondering the above, reverse straight into cousins car in full view of wedding party. Wish ground would swallow you up.

24. Turn even more crimson as your mum bangs on the drivers side window from the outside and watch her tell you off through said window. Complete with wagging finger. Again, in full view of wedding party.

25. Laugh hysterically the next day at all of the above whilst recounting above antics.