Archive | October 2012


(To the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody)…

I see a little silhouetto of the hoover
Scaramouch, scaramouch, will you do the fandango
Now mums plugging it in, very very frightening me!!
Balamory, Balamory
Balamory on TV

I’m just a toddler, everybody loves me
He’s just a toddler from a normal family
Spare him the noise of this monstrosity
Easy come, easy clean, will you let me Hoover?

NO!!!!! will not let you hoover – let me hoooover!
Will not let you hoover – let me Hoover!!
Will not let you Hoover – let me Hoover!!
Will not let you Hoover – let me Hoover!!
Never let you hoover – *Sigh*
Never let you hoover…
No! No! No! No! No!!!

Oh mom! Oh mom! (Say mummy darling, mummy!) let me go…

Oh woolly and tig, this hoovers got its eye on meeeeeeee. On meeeeee! On meeeeeeee!!!!

Yes, Little Z is still terrified of the Hoover.


(Sorry, I’ve had Bohemian Rhapsody stuck in my head ever since I saw the theme for the Gallery this week was Frightful!. Well, actually, I thought it was “Frightening!”…till I saw the other entries. Oops.)

Check out the other entries by clicking below…


Next Time

Little Z will be turning 2 in December and we are now starting to mull over whether it is “the right time” to have another baby. The answers lie on a very extreme spectrum of “Yes yes it is!” all the way to “No no its not!”.

There are plenty of things we are working through in our heads. Or, rather, things I am pestering the OH about. How will we balance two? Will we manage? What if it’s really hard? What about work? And sleep? And childcare? And sleep? Do we need a bigger house? And what about sleep?

What I DO know is that the second time is slightly easier in some respects because of the experience with the first. I know this because someone on Twitter said so and this is now my 2nd baby mantra. When the time comes I mean.

So, in keeping with my 2nd baby mantra, one day, in the future, these are the things will make it easier next time around:

Next time I know that labour may be long. Very very very long. Very very long.

Next time I will use the buzz thingie on my TENs machine a lot more. I may just keep it on buzz throughout.

Next time I wont be shocked at what meconium looks like. (“But it’s so sticky!!”)

Next Time I will know how to change a nappy and give baby it’s first bath. I won’t hover behind the care assistant nervously.

Next Time I know the baby won’t sleep through at 6 weeks old

Next Time I will be strong enough to tell interfering parenting police to sod off (sort off. Mostly!)

Next Time I may even duck and hide of the parenting police come round to visit. Obviously I need to train Little Z to do this too.

Next Time I will fill my freezers with meals and save myself panicking about “what will we eat?!!!” post baby for the first few weeks

Next Time I will not stress that I am feeding baby all wrong.

Next Time I won’t panic every time the baby cries.

Next Time I will try not to obsess with getting baby “into a routine”. Little Z eventually fell into one.

Next Time I will know it will be a good few weeks before things settle into a new reality.

Next Time I won’t obsess about the baby’s height and weight

Next Time I won’t force myself to baby groups if I don’t feel like going

Next Time I will get through even more box sets during those first few weeks.

Next Time I will not obsess about how little sleep I’ve had.

Next Time things will be a bit easier.


“What’s the red book?”

The morning after I’d arrived home with a 3 day old Baby Z a health visitor came knocking on my food at precisely 9am. I remember this very vividly because we’d been up for most of the night with our little party animal who had night and day confused. He’d finally given in about 6am and both the OH and I were exhausted and shocked by how much work this little bundle of joy was creating. Didn’t babies sleep at least 5 hour stretches? Little did we know.

Anyhow, the very perky health visitor was now sat in our front room talking me through various things and giving me about a hundred pamphlets and books to add to the hundred I’d already brought home with me from the hospital. SO much information. When was I going to read it all? How was I going to raise a baby? I barely had time to read it all. And I hadn’t even had a shower yet!

And she kept referring to a red book. What the hell was that? I knew I had a big green book. She shook her head.

“No, no. You should have a red book that the midwife wrote in. Did she not show you?”

I dunno. I was all high on morphine For the first day in hospital, and distracted with trying to pick out a name for Baby Z. I looked around a bit more hoping it would magically show itself. After sifting through even more papers I finally found it and she showed me the baby growth charts and explained how I could take Baby Z to clinics to get him weighed. Oooh.. Ahhh…I’d heard about this from my friends. Suddenly I was interested in what the very eccentric looking lady had to show me.

This became my favourite book during the first year of Baby Zs life. It probably still ranks in the top 3.


Click the icon below to check out other entries in the Gallery

The Rules According To A Toddler

Today I sent out a pondering tweet “Toddlers seem to have their own rules for living don’t they?”

I instantly got a bunch of emphatic replies mostly shouting “Yes!!”

After careful observation of just the one toddler (mine), I think I know what the rules are.


1. A Toddler must run everywhere. Walking is forbidden.
2. Standing still for longer than 3 seconds is also forbidden. Run, run. Always run.
3. Holding hands is no fun. Express your contempt if this is requested. Strongly.
4. Eating any food detracts from playing time. Don’t do it.
5. Eating food from the floor is ok though. And is tastier.
6. Stamping on food and then eating makes it even better.
7. Do not let parents clothe you. They are stifling naked freedom. Protest loudly.
8. Do not let parents put clothes on either. Protest loudly.
9. The same applies to all nappy changes. Run like hell.
10. Provide hugs and lots of kisses. Only occasionally on demand if they’ve been good.
11. Say very cute things. It melts adults very quickly and keeps them distracted.
12. Never perform on demand for other people. Watch adults then laugh nervously and declare “they do it at home all the time!”.
13. No fear! Climb everything and try to jump off everything. Fear is for adults.
14. Swoon when protesting. Thrash around too. It makes you wriggly and give the adults a bit of a challenge.
15. Demand everyone joins in a song. Protest if they don’t.
16. Keep waking up the night before the Adult needs to do something important. It ensures they won’t oversleep.
17. Dance to everything in a very cute way.
18. Wave and say hello and bye bye to anyone you pass in the street. Even to the miserable buggers.
19. Demand to hold anything that looks remotely expensive. Protest loudly if you hear the word “No”.
20. The best place to sleep is in between the two Adults. Kick them often in the night to remind them you are there.
21. The iPad is yours. Demand it as soon as the Adult picks it up.
22. Say the word “Noooo!” one regular basis. About 10 times an hour.
23. Talk one day and don’t bother the next. Pointing and shouting is sufficient.
24. Say “Ove you” every so often. See number 11.